SOMETHING BROKE

Disclaimer...if you want to get to the good part...skip the first couple paragraphs. I'm lettin it all hang out.

In a good way. (Something broke). 

Since returning from Florida, I've been in a deep dark depression. I've hidden it pretty well from everyone except for my husband and daughter, and have taken 'it' out on them with anger and impatience. You can imagine how those relationships are going. Our son left for Afghanistan. He and his wife are divorcing. I love her like my own. We thought we'd found a house that we could afford in St Pete but it didn't happen. (We're thinking of being snowbirds...only opposite). I have all kinds of insecurities about the workshop I taught...and whether or not it was worth the time of those that attended. I was sick with the Creeping Colombian Crud for almost two weeks. Still not well. Barranquilla is SO...not where I'd choose to live. But - here I am. I've been thinking seriously about moving back to the States. When I think about it to the extent I have been, my heart breaks with the thought of leaving Sophia. 

I love her baby sister too...but that's another source of the depression. I've been guarding my heart a bit from falling head over heels in love with her in case we leave here. But that didn't work. I Am head over heels for her. We still don't speak Spanish. I don't go anywhere alone unless it's to my friends on Wednesday for our group meeting and I thank God for them. My hubby had a REAL problem this last year with living here until we went to Florida in October and he's come back with a better attitude after months of me preaching...."You can make yourself happy where-ever you are". After all, we can visit the States 2 or 3 times a year if we're careful with our money...which is what finally helped him. I think. Our new apartment is really great in so many ways but he lost his garage and my studio space is dark and hot and cramped. It makes me not want to go in there. I do NOT like house cleaning or cooking for that matter...so the house is dirty and I eat a lot of junk. 

That about covers it.

THE GOOD PART...

Sophia spent Friday through Monday at our house...only going downstairs for a couple minutes twice a day for her medicine. The kids were leaving for Bogota - on the way to Indiana for a few weeks and she didn't want to leave my side. We were cuddling in my rocking chair and I happened to see the almost full moon.

I showed it to her and as always we spent a few minutes looking at the great big sky out my living room window.

She noticed that the moon wasn't completely round yet. I told her that when she got to Bogota it probably would be. I then told her I thought it would be fun if she looked out her window from there and I'd look out my window from here and even though we are so many miles apart...we would be looking at the same moon. Then I promptly forgot about it.

Well, my Sophia didn't forget. I received a call from her the next night...from Bogota. She said the curtains were all closed where she was and she couldn't look out the windows. Apparently, she needed someone to help her. She told me it was freezing there and that Mommy's feet were too cold for her to get up. Mommy didn't understand the importance.

Well after I told her that I could see the moon from the window and that it was indeed full and for her to look out the northeast window...she pestered Mommy until she received help.

We then had the most beautiful conversation about how it looked and the stars around it and the fact that there were fast moving clouds here but not there...and it (our phone conversation) was so absolutely beautiful that I can't put it into words.

I really, really DO have so much to be thankful for and that's where I'm going to live.

I'm on my way.

Create your life,

annie!